If socializing is misunderstood, it does more harm than good.

Socializing puppies was popularized by Dr. Ian Dunbar, DVM. Don’t get me wrong. I like Ian Dunbar. His contributions to mindful dog handling are immeasurable. And I don’t disagree when he says that socializing should begin at the breeder, when the pup is 3-12 weeks old. Yes, during that impressionable stage in a dog’s life she should be gently handled by many people, and given ample opportunities to learn dog skills through play with littermates and by meeting socially savvy adult dogs. A pup carefully bred and conscientiously socialized is ready to meet the world, and the smart new owner continues what the breeder started.

The problems arise when the pup has been bred and raised under less than perfect circumstances; or is genetically predisposed to be either fearful or overly confident.


The confident pup and dog enjoys to socialize with everyone; meet ‘n greet and get all the attention. She often also learns that that is more rewarding than staying connected and attentive to the owner. Social friendliness comes to the expense of obedience. It is possible to have the best of both worlds, if permission to socialize is contingent on paying attention and heeding commands. Greeting people and play with dogs is the reward for offered attention.

The fearful dog will become even more fearful when exposed to many novel situations, and especially if people come close and pat, or dogs bounce in and play. It is irrelevant how friendly the dogs are, or how well intentioned and gentle the people. What matters is how the dog feels about it. If it triggers or intensifies fear in the dog, then passing the pup around in a group class will make matters worse.

Fearfulness and trigger stimulated stress and reactivity is a problem many rescue dogs have. Shelters are ill advised if they make adoption dependant on subsequent attendance in a training facility. Instead, they should assess if a dog benefits from group classes or needs fear and stress diminishing measures first; and then enforce that.


Before socializing in the generally understood way can take place, trust and mindful leadership has to be established, and the fearful and stressed pup and dog has to be familiarized and desensitized.

Protection, as part of leadership, means to control situations and circumstances in such a way that fear does not arise. That builds confidence in the dog, conditions the emotion of feel-good and safe, and prevents many stress and fear related behavior problems.

Familiarizing means to expose to as many different situations in a very casual way, and in a distance and pace that keeps the dog in his comfort zone. Once a certain level is reached, he will generalize that the environment as a whole is safe. The process of mindful familiarizing is also called acclimatization or habituation and, depending on the pup and dog, must come before socialization.

During familiarizing no attention is given to the dog or the environment, but to the dog’s emotional state. Distance is increased ideally before the dog becomes worried, but latest when subtle signals are observed, such as a change in ear and tail position, if the mouth clamps up, if the pup offers eye contact to the owner with dilated pupils, if breathing becomes heavier or shallow, or if the dog slightly backs up and away from the stimulus.


As the dog becomes more confident, incrementally the distance to the trigger is decreased, until a point is reached where the dog tolerates true socializing, ideally enjoys to meet and greet.

Simultaneously to familiarizing, other measures can be applied to speed things up a bit, for example counter conditioning to change the association to the "scary" stimulus.